I started this blog on November 15, 2012.
The “why?” of it was simple: I was spending approximately five hours a week perusing a handful of Tumblrs. The way it seemed to me was if I was going to be on here anyway, I might as well figure out how to be an active participant in the community.
I’ve never been fond of the ontology of self-definition as substitute for self-knowing that social media tends to preference, i.e. what I post reflects my personal aesthetic which in a digital, curated space indicates something about me as a person–sort of like how you can tell certain things about people you’ve never met by walking through their house. (Or, in terms of tl:dr–self-definition is like trying to bite your own teeth.)
I wasn’t making any sort of work at that time. Thus, it wasn’t like I could just unload a bunch of my creative efforts on Tumblr. Further, I was suffering from the most intense bout of writer’s block I’ve ever had. Starting a Tumblr felt like a way that I could kill two stones with one bird. But what would it be about? It seemed obvious–the age old cliche about writing about what you know. So I began reblogging work I found on Tumblr that I liked and forcing myself to explain why I liked it.
Six years later: I’m still struggling with the same writer’s block. It may be difficult to believe–given that for the last 3 years, I’ve averaged a post a day–but writing is a challenge for me. It’s one thing to yammer on and on about why I like something, or more often why I dislike something. But fiction and poetry remain obstructed channels for me. I’m not sure how to remedy that. (In fairness, it does–knock on wood–seem to be improving by minute increments over extended periods of time.)
Had someone told me that six years later, I’d have several thousands followers and several true blue friends I became acquainted with as a direct result of this project–I would have called you a liar.
But here I am–facing down the start of a sixth year.
As for what that sixth year entails?–I honestly have no goddamn clue.
I’ve wanted to push this project in new directions for several years. Last year, I vowed to bring on a guest curator every other month. Unfortunately, between me being very picky and insistent about preference femme and queer folks and the fact that literally no one seems to return messages any more… that didn’t happen.
I also had the idea of making a series of videos focused on the process of artists who I consider to be vital, emerging talents. Again, I reached out to four different folks last year–not a single response.
Additionally, I would like to start asking artists for permission to feature their work. I’ve wanted to do this for ages. It is–straight up–not something which is feasible given the current shape of thing, sadly.
The truth is: the work that goes into the average post-a-day pace equates to a minimum of 25 hours of work each week. (This year I’ve been averaging 32 hours a week–which means I have, effectively, 2 full-time jobs.) This. Is. Not. Sustainable. Long. Term.
I’ll never make this a paid endeavor. To do so would be enormously unethical. At the same time, if you do get something out of what I do here, it’s a boon when folks support this project via Patreon.
The next year is going to be crazy for me. I’m facing a big move–and a lot of uncertainty with my employment as a result of that move. I’m applying to several MFA programs, also.
Perhaps it’s naive but I had hoped that at a certain point this project could get to a point where I use it to supplement my income so that I can dedicate more time to this as well as more personal and creative endeavors.
I don’t to make promises I’m not sure that I can actually keep but in the next year, if things don’t shift in the next three months–there is going to have to be a decrease in the number of posts. Hopefully, that will mean fewer posts but the posts that appear will include more rigorous analysis and commentary.
I have actually begun work on that Hans Bellmer/Ana Mendieta joint retrospective I’ve mentioned a few times. The notion being that I will feature that for 15 to 20 posts sometime in the spring. (It may take longer–all the extant scholarly work on Bellmer is so imbued with Freudian horseshit, that it’s proving to be more of a slog than I anticipated. Further, the scholarship on Mendieta is unbelievably lacking.)
I’m also putting together a curriculum for an online seminar on photographic praxis with an emphasis on photography in an art historical context.
Anyway, thank you so much for following. Seriously. I’d be screaming in the wilderness, either way. But it’s really nice to know that this seems to matter to folks.
Be well,
-e
Acetylene Eyes 