Source unknown – Title Unknown (201X)

From the standpoint of technique, this image is garbage-the composition is illegible, the cant muddles an sort of visual flow and considerations of inclusion vs. exclusion by the frame edges are irredeemably random.

But, there is at least one positive thing I can say about it: I’m feeling the tone.

I’m not entirely sure I can articulate what I mean. It has a lot to do with personal context.

The last several weeks have been difficult.

I won’t get into all of that, just what’s relevant to this post: witnessing the religious right’s response to Black Lives Matter & Djingo Unhinged the lack of consistency in application of beliefs, lapses in reasoning and application of basic logic has been intensely triggering for me.

I attended an Evangelical Xtian high school. It was every bit as heinous as it sounds–probably more so, to be honest. The current climate transports me back a quarter of a decade and I feel just as confused at trapped.

I don’t think you fully understand the capacity for evil, the gravity with which hatred blooming from a misguided sense of Xtian duty motivates these evil and venally corrupt ass hats. I’ve seen it. I still bear far too many scars from it.

And like that I’m back in the thick of the same shit I’ve been trying to outrun for most of my adult life.

I feel like I always thought escaping would be enough. I never thought it would come to a point where I would need to stand and fight. I feel so clumsy and ill-prepared. For all my articulation w/r/t this project, I’ve not made that much progress is my life as far as communicating my thoughts to my peers, being open and forthright with regards to my sexuality and desires.

I adore the simple openness of this image. Yes, it’s most likely a prelude to a group sex scenario. (I think that’s part of what appeals to me about the notion of group sex is a safe space where you can perform your sexuality instead of reducing it to labels or incomplete verbal descriptions.

I feel so much of who I am is tied up in that morass. And I struggle with knowing the line with where withholding it is dishonest as opposed to necessary/appropriate.

It reminds me of something a follower told me recently. Apparently Dan Rather interviewed Mother Theresa for 60 Minutes or something. He inquired what she said when she prayed.

She responded: Nothing. I listen.

Taken aback, Rather followed up: what does God say then?

Nothing. He listens too.

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